For anyone who might be interested, here’s a brief recap of my recent experience as a chaperone for my son’s first grade class on their field trip to see Disney on Ice:
8:05 a.m. — I don’t actually need to be at the school until 8:15, but I figured I’d just stick around after dropping the kids off.
8:27 a.m. — Okay, what’s the holdup? I knew I should’ve brought coffee.
8:45 a.m. — After a brief delay, we finally get in line to board the bus to Pittsburgh. For a moment I consider using the restroom before hitting the road, but then the line starts moving so I decide against it.
8:55 a.m. — We’re not even a mile down the road and I already have to pee.
9:10 a.m. — It’s unimaginably loud on the bus, which is packed to the gills with kindergartners, first-graders, and a handful of chaperones. I knew I should’ve brought ear plugs. Even The Animal is dismayed: “How am I gonna live with all this chaotic noise!?” he says. “I mean, I like field trips, but not noisy ones!”
9:13 a.m. — The Animal: “This is called the nightmare bus!” Maybe he really is my son after all?
9:35 a.m. — Okay. My bladder just might explode.
9:55 a.m. — Finally we arrive at Consol Energy…er…I mean, PPG Paints Arena.
10:04 a.m. — Ahhh. That may have been the longest, most satisfying pee of my life.
10:07 a.m. — We settle into our seats and I’m shocked at how cold it is in here. I mean, I know the show’s on ice and everything, but do they really have to have the A/C on?
10:08 a.m. — I laugh as The Animal asks me to buy him a $15 thing of cotton candy. Funny kid.
10:33 a.m. — As the show begins, I pull on my hood to try to conserve heat.
10:47 a.m. — I turn to see if my son is enjoying the Disney-princesses-themed show. His blank expression gives me my answer.
11:20 a.m.— Thank goodness! The intermission! I make a b-line for the men’s room so I can stand under the heated air dryer.
11:45 a.m.— I look at my watch. Ugh. Another 45 minutes left!
11:53 a.m.— Oooh! A fire-breathing dragon! All right, now we’re getting somewhere!
11:54 a.m. — And…more princess crap. Yay.
12:15 p.m. — The Animal and one of the other boys I’m charged with are obviously not Frozen fans. The third, however, is belting out “Let it Go” like a champ.
12:45 p.m. — Hooray! Back on the bus and heading home! Time for a nap.
12:47 p.m. — Oh, joy. One of my son’s friends wants to play Rock, Paper, Scissors. Fine, but only for a couple of minutes.
1:20 p.m. — How many games of Rock, Paper, Scissors can someone play?
1:30 p.m. — Finally the kid stops bugging me and goes back to his seat.
1:32 p.m. — And now he keeps jumping up from behind the seat to tap my son on the head, which I can tell The Animal clearly enjoys. “He’s so annoying,” he whispers to me.
1:37 p.m. — As the volume once again reaches the ear-splitting level, The Animal yells out: “Worst bus ride of my life!” Like father, like son.
1:45 p.m. — Finally we arrive back at the school. I can’t wait to run home and take a peaceful, quiet nap before I have to come back and get the kids in an hour. Then the Principal asks me if I’d like to take my kids and my niece home early.
Gee. It’s like she read my mind. ~
Copyright © 2017 Valentine J. Brkich