The Many How-Manys of Parenthood

by

Sapling & Sons, Beaver, Pa.
Writing credit: Josh Hara, @yoyoha

So the other day I stopped at my favorite new shop in town, Sapling & Sons — Snail Mail Supply Co., when I saw a card with the following inscription:

“PARENTING IS MOSTLY JUST INFORMING KIDS HOW MANY
MORE MINUTES THEY HAVE OF SOMETHING.”

Brilliant.

I got to thinking about how true that statement is, especially the “how many” part, and as a result, I came up with my own list of parenting how-manys that the average parent encounters throughout the course of his or her parenting career.

How many (insert rimshot sound effect) can you relate to?

THE MANY HOW-MANYS OF PARENTHOOD

How many…   more peas they have to eat before they can be done.

How many…   more shows they can watch before they have to turn off the TV.

How many…   times you’ve told them not to lick your face!

How many…   more minutes they have to be in Timeout.

How many…   more days until their birthday.

How many…   more days until Christmas.

How many…   more days until Halloween.

How many…   pieces of candy they can eat.

How many…   candy wrappers you’ve found behind their bed.

How many…   times you’ve told them not to touch Daddy’s typewriters!
(OK, maybe this one just applies to me.)

How many…   lights you’ve had to turn off today already.

How many…   more minutes they have before they have to come inside.

How many…   crumbs you’ve found in the couch cushions.

How many…   LEGOs you’ve stepped on in the living room.

How many…   times you’ve reminded them to flush the toilet!

How many…   sippy cups of curdled milk you’ve found around the house.

How many…   more miles until we get there.

and, of course…

How many…   glasses of Cabernet you’ve already had, and it’s only Tuesday night. ~

_____

Copyright © 2014 Valentine J. Brkich

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