Hopelessly Stalled


Empty RollSo the other day my wife and I, along with our good friends Hugh and Kristi, went to Two Rivers Artisan Coffee Works in New Castle to break up our normal routine and do a little work outside the house. We got there right around 9:30 a.m., with plans to spend the morning working independently before grabbing some lunch together later on.

As soon as we arrived, I ordered a pour over and then settled in to do some writing. The coffee, though delicious, was pretty strong, and before long I found myself heading to the restroom for a little alone time. We’ll just leave it at that.

A few minutes later, all was again right with the world. But then, as I reached for the toilet paper, I realized with horror that — GASP! — the roll was empty! I had completely forgotten the number one rule before using a public bathroom: Always check to make sure there’s toilet paper!

Luckily I had my cell phone on me, so I sent a text to Hugh to ask him if he could get some TP from the management and bring it in.

A minute passed. Then two, three. Still no response. I texted him again. Nothing. So then I texted Kristi and asked her to please tell her husband to check his cell phone. No need to get into the details.

Right around this time the automatic lights in the men’s room went off, leaving me in utter darkness, save for the light of my smartphone. The day was getting better and better.

Just as I was about to swallow my pride and call out for help, I heard Hugh’s distinctive laugh, followed by the sound of footsteps approaching the door. Thank God, I’m saved!

The door opened and Hugh announced, “Let there be light!” as the lights flickered on. Then I heard the door close again and…nothing.

“Hugh?” I said. “You there?” But alas, once again I was alone.

I immediately texted him again:

>Did u read my text?! I need TP! Legs falling asleep!!

A few more seconds passed and once again I heard my friend’s telltale guffaw from outside. Shortly thereafter the door opened and Hugh mercifully handed me a roll underneath the stall, chuckling as he left me to myself.

Finally, having been freed from my porcelain bondage, I emerged from the restroom to the wide smiles and giggles of my wife and friends, not to mention a handful of other patrons, who by this time had been aprised of my unenviable situation.

I paid them no mind, however, as I returned to my work, mildly embarrassed yet all the wiser for the experience. ~


Copyright © 2016 Valentine J. Brkich

7 Responses to "Hopelessly Stalled"
  1. Hysterical! This may be why my mother always reminded me to carry tissues with me wherever I went. She tucked hers in her sleeve. Can’t top a mom’s wisdom! Glad you made it out !

    • Ha! Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Maybe it’s because my name is Val?

  2. As I tell my kids, line the toilet seat. This way it’s a sure check for toilet paper! I must say, I laughed very hard after reading this!!