When I awoke on Sunday, if you’d have told me that by mid-afternoon I’d be holding a gun to my wife while watching someone perform First Aid on a snake, I would’ve said you were crazy. Then I would’ve asked what the heck you were doing in my bed. The day actually started off pretty…

Sometimes in life bad ideas seem to fall right out of the sky, like frozen blue poo from an overpassing jetliner. “Let’s go visit my sister and the girls for New Year’s,” I said to my wife one evening after one-too-many glasses of red wine. “It’ll be so much fun!”  They’re not kidding when…

“Who wants to go the grocery store with Daddy?!” I asked my kids, who responded in unison, “Not me!” But then when I added, “Whoever comes with me gets to get a toy out of the machine on the way out!”, both quickly changed their response and made a beeline to the car. I’m referring, of course, to those…

It was cold yesterday. So cold that I had on two sweaters, with another layer underneath, plus a tossle cap (For those of you who don’t know, that’s Western PA lingo for a winter hat.) I also had on long underwear beneath my pants and a pair of super-thick wool socks. Yet despite all that, I was…

Back in May of 1985 I was still just a kid and easily frightened by thunderstorms. So on the afternoon of the 31st, when I was out playing with my friends and the skies turned an sinister yellow and green, I jumped on my BMX and pedaled home as fast as I could. My fear only amplified at home, when…

I’ve always thought of myself as an old soul. But, geez, I figured I at least had a couple decades until my body caught up with my psyche. Apparently not. Yesterday I injured myself opening the dishwasher. Yes, the dishwasher. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what happened. All I know is, I walked into the kitchen…

Recently my daughter, aka Boogieface, turned 10. As I’m sure you can imagine, this threw me into a bit of a panic. We’re talking The Big One-O here. Double digits. It won’t be long now before that second digit turns into a three and, well, we all know what happens then. Heaven help me. So that…

Imagine having a goose for a pet. A Canadian goose. But not just any old Canadian goose. A hyperactive, disturbingly loud, never-tired-of-honking Canadian goose. Now strap a siren to the goose. A siren that never stops wailing, day or night. And make sure it’s loud. So loud that it rattles your eardrums no matter how far…

I was out and about around lunchtime the other day, so I decided to swing by my kids’ school to see if I could catch them out on the playground. It had been a tough day, news-wise (go figure), and I just felt like I needed to see them and make sure they were OK. I got there just…

Well, it’s official. In the long slog that is parenthood, we’ve officially entered…The Dental Years. It all started the other day when the kiddos had their regular six-month check up. So far these have gone pretty smoothly, but of course I knew that wouldn’t last. Heck, they eat ice cream every single night, and their…